In five days time I will be married. I’m not scared, I’m not sad, I’m not even amazingly excited. Because it feels like the most natural thing in the world to do.

Not that I’ve actually been single for a few years now,  officially Andrew and I became a couple in January 2007, although it’s a bit more complicated than that. We first met  in April 1997 – nearly 16 years ago and  a week before Tony Blair was elected; we were girlfriend and boyfriend for nearly two years after that.

I don’t ever remember really wanting to be married, or have children, but nearly everyone I have asked (in the purposes of research I might add) tells me that from my early 20s I was telling everyone I wanted to be married and have children. I was as determined in that as I was about having a career in journalism.

I did and do love my job, I still see it as a vocation and is why I work on this website for no financial reward. But I think I realised (in my late 20s and early 30s) if I really wanted marriage and children I would have to let go of some of the things I had felt so important and that were such ‘must haves’.

These things seemed so important to me but when I let go of them,  I found that I could embrace the things that really made me happy – which included spending time with myself and people I cared about, eating well (as in healthily) nurturing real friendships, finding God and Jesus again. That was when love came back to me.

I’m not saying all women and men in search of love should ever compromise, what I am saying is that loving someone and seeing them grow and thrive in that love is more rewarding that any exclusive byline, £1k a week plus salary or exotic press trips. It took me years to work that out and a few more years to let it go.

Having my daughter is a gift which every day I am grateful for beyond words. The same goes for number 2, all being well, I know that at my age I’m lucky to have even got pregnant having seen so many friends in their mid-late 30s and older not able to have children.

I’m still a feminist, but I will be changing my surname, well gradually anyway (my friend Marianne tells me it’s a real b****r to change your bank account to your married name unless you get a new passport first).

On Saturday when I say my vows I will be saying them knowing that my life is going to amazing, not because I have a great career, large pension or a nice wardrobe, it is because I have love, love of my partner,  my family and my friends. That is a gift you can never buy and for one I will never take for granted.

It’s our first Ella Mag Christmas and it really would not be complete without a gift guide. Okay – this less a gift guide, more a not what to buy guide, except of course there are a few suggestions.

Smelly things

If you are going to buy anything that involves a lotion or body cream then make sure it’s a decent brand- Clarins/Boots No7/Cowshed and Sanctuary are all good ones to go for. Supermarket-own brands have their place, namely on the bathroom shelves of grannies and aunts. In fact one of our favourite beauty buys of the year is No7’s body exfoliator, but you don’t want to buy this alone (she may be insulted!)  opt for a No7 gift sets with body lotion and your lady will not only thank you for it, she’ll think you’re a genuis. We also love Aveda gift sets, you can’t go wrong with some gorgeous-smelling shampoo, or even a candle.

Underwear

Don’t make the mistake of buying ill fitting/scratchy/tasteless bras and knickers. Instead buy your loved one vouchers in the nearest posh underwear shop, and let your lady do the choosing. And it’s a great excuse to shop in the sales. Carols in Bishops Stortford is our local underwear boutique. Alternatively go online and get vouchers for sites such as FigLeaves.

Gadget no nos!

Much as us ladies love gadgets Christmas is not a time to buy vicariously. So as much as your lady might show an interest in a gadget that measures her body fat/sleep patterns/loo habits etc – she’s probably rather you bought her something cool like a pair of fluffy headphones that double up as earmuffs – fashion and function can’t go wrong with that.

Perfume

Do not buy anything you are not sure about. Even if you know that she loved Chanel No5 when she was a teenager she may not like it now. For example I went off a bunch of smells when I was pregnant first time round, including a perfume I’d loved for years. Even now some of them still make feel feel unwell.  So unless you know for sure what fragrance she likes – don’t buy at all.

Books

Chances are she owns 50 Shades of Grey already. If you are going to buy her book buy a coffee table book Nigella’s Nigellissima is great because it shows you think of her as a domestic goddess or at least have the potential to be one.  Anything by Bobbi Brown is always cool. If you want to go the extra mile buy her a book with intelligence,  (Personally I’d like to read Naomi Woolf’s Misconceptions, it’s been on my must read list for ages – Sam, ed)

Let us know if you have any other suggestions – we’ll be aiming to update this list in the run up to Christmas.

If you are in a relationship, being open about your finances is one of the most romantic things you can do.

Being able to discuss money before you get married can not only make life a lot easier when you do tie the knot, it can make things easier if you don’t end up together.

Victoria Walker, a lawyer who works for family-law specialist Fisher Meredith has the following checklist for couples:

1.      If you are not planning to get married just yet but will be living together think about getting a cohabitation agreement.

2.      If you buy a property together before you get married make sure your solicitor prepares a declaration of trust for you setting out what shares you own in it. Have a document drawn up setting out your respective shares. Don’t just assume you get your deposit back or that you get a proportion of what you put in.

3.      If the worst does happen and you break up you will at least get to keep the sparkler – unless your partner very unromantically put conditions on it when he gave it to you. But if it belonged to his mother or grandmother you should assume it was intended to be passed down the family –so hand it back as graciously as possible.

4.      Once you are married however, the ring is yours to keep, even in the event of a divorce – along with all the wedding presents given to you both by your side of the family or friends.

5.      Once the engagement party is over give some thought together about the issue of children. If you already have a child together your marriage will give you both equal rights and obligations.

6.      These children may become what is known as ‘children of the family’ and you will have the same obligations and responsibilities towards them as you would if you were the natural parent, such as paying child support, if the marriage breaks down.

7.      If you have yet to start a family talk about it now and how you view issues such as schooling and religion.  Differences of opinion, if intractable, can be referred to a court (under a Children Act Specific Issue application) for a decision to be taken, but it is clearly better to work out a compromise in advance.

8.      If you want to be sure that both parties know what they are getting into then get a pre-nuptial agreement drawn up. This is particularly important if there are big differences between you in terms of wealth or age, or if it is a second marriage for one of you and you already have children.

9.      Remember that marriage can make your existing Will invalid. So consider getting a new Will drawn up.

10.  Other legal aspects may also be affected too. For instance tax considerations, or if you run a company together, or have pension funds which you can to some extent control – so it is worth seeking legal advice well in advance and making sure you know what needs to be arranged — or rearranged.